I don’t care if you follow me, or read the things I post about. But let me just get one thing straight. What you see or read on here, stays on here. I’m not writing for your entertainment, or for you to start drama just because I posted something you “assume” was about someone. You don’t know me. So don’t pretend you know who or what I’m talking about.
Growing up without a dad was pretty hard. Watching kids cling onto their dads as they walk by me on the streets.. other kids excited to go home to give their dad a gift on fathers day.. it was hard listening to my friends talk about how great their dad is… I didnt feel like i was a normal person, a normal kid.. A nuclear family is something that i only see around me or on TV shows.. I ask myself who is going to walk me down the aisle at my wedding… Well clearly not my dad because we have no clue whether he is alive or not.. And the sad part is … that we honestly don’t care. but then i think again, and i am really selfless and inconsiderate … what about my mom i thought.. What has she have to deal with? Going to “parent” teacher meetings, dealing with all the bills alone and not being able to live her life without a companion.. Fuck..
People keep assuring me that i don’t need him and that my mom, brothers and I are better off without him.. DAMN RIGHT WE ARE. The reason why i don’t drink, smoke nor do any bad things is because ive grown up watching my father abuse all of those things. Abuse as in use excessively. It was scary. Whenever i go near someone and even smell the stench, i immediately tense up and have flashbacks to when i was little. I know that if i ever see him in the near future i would try to hurt him. Hurt as in “ima fuck you up” kind of hurt.. 7 years of not seeing his face has to be the easiest yet toughest years of my existence. There is only 1 person that i hate. And that is him. Whether he is dead or alive i hope he suffered as much pain as we did over the years. And if we ever cross paths again, shit is about to go down ..
Don’t pretend to care about my feelings when you talk crap about me behind my back . You tell me all this bullshit about being best friends and trust when the truth is you’re no better than a backstabber and a liar . Don’t you get tired of being fake ?
simply because I’m afraid . I’ve been hurt , lied to , and backstabbed , to the point where it’s hard for me to trust anyone . I’m scared to let anyone into my life , when I know they’ll walk out and leave . Pushing people away has become a horrible routine , but that’s what happens when trust is taken for granted .
Like do you have those friends who rarely asks you to do something for them. Friends that don’t use you, but instead want you to depend on them. And then there are those other “friends” that seems to always acknowledge you when they need assistance on something. Whether its copying your homework, making them food, buying them something, or even when they want you to hook them up with one of your friends? Its frustrating because the type of person you are would want to resist but you simply just cant say no. Im that kind of person. Ive noticed over the past year, people have used me. They’d take advantage of the fact that i would do anything for them, because that how much i cared. All i want is for my friends to be happy. Guess i’ve learned the hard way ..
Losing your best friend,
It’s been awhile. I wonder if you still remember me, not as a person but as that person that was your best friend. That person that you’d rely on for comfort and for advice. That person that you’re not afraid to be yourself around with. That person that makes you laugh so hard that you fall to the ground. That person that knows you so much more than you know yourself. What happened? New friends? New relationships? School? Or just life in general? I miss being your best friend, but I feel like you don’t.
Don’t go out of your way to destroy the happiness two people share. If they’re happy with each other, respect that. If they love each other deeply, respect that. Everyone has the right to love whoever they want. And everyone deserves to be happy, cared for, and loved. Respect a relationship, and wish for the best.